Ted Bromsky
This is the story of the character known as Ted Bromsky. A man who exists only on paper and in the realm of the virtual universe to cause confusion to people in the People's Republic of Spammers and A holes.
I had the idea a few weeks ago. A practical joke enjoyed only by me but perhaps having the potential of confusing hundreds, (neigh if I really devoted myself to it), thousands of people.
This is the plan.
I will start to write reply emails to Nigerian spam emails as the fictional character Ted Bromsky. Ted will be devoted to discussing mutually shared problems and experiences as the Nigerian spammers seem intent on relaying as well. Email headings will include:
Re: Your Carburator
Or
Re: You left your tampons in my hand bag
The idea would be to confuse and frustrate the very same spammers who inform me almost daily that an inheritor to the former deposed prince of Nigeria wants to give me 30 million dollars to hide in my savings account.
Ted Bromsky will be my proxy to relate tons of shared experiences with these individuals, as in:
"when are you going to be coming with the baby to Tampa?"
Or
"Why did you give up on night classes when you were doing so well?".
Ted Bromsky knows these individuals intimately. There are just so many shared experiences to relate. Ted is excited to catch up on all of them and he will not hesitate to reveal all of the sensual and profound moments they have shared together in spam.
"Please know that my mother didn't mean to say those things about your birthmark. It's just that she just had her hysterectomy and she is feeling a little sensitive. If you would like to write her a note, it would be really appreciated around here. I know how much you like iced tea."
Ocassionally the emails will be short and confounding. As in:
Cheryl is waiting for you in the Whole foods.
And that's it.
Sometimes however, Bronsky's letter's will be urgent. As in: I am outside your internet hovel as we speak with the ghost of Idi Amin. READY to take you down. Turn off your processor and come up out with your hands up. We are about to turn your dick into SANDWICH MEAT for the cat if you do not give the PASSWORD we agreed upon at the Western Union.
Ted Bromsky is not afraid of expressing his emotions.
A friend has no qualms about bringing up piece of information only the two of us could know.
Thus will be the case with Ted Bromsky.
As Ted Bromsky knows everyone.
Comments