A Nasty Revelation


He wanted to tell God that he had terrible taste but this was not something you can bring up casually with a supreme being.

Perhaps there was never a good moment to tell God that his love of kitsch clown paintings and concrete eye sores like an architectural revival of the old Corn exchange building was nothing anyone could really get excited about. But he was in charge and there was nothing much to do in heaven but sit there and take it. What was he really going to do? Go up and ask God to tone it down a little? One didn't do this kind of thing. Not on earth. Not in heaven! But the agony was visceral. Puce was not a color that the eye could ever get used to, yet God insisted on using it everywhere. It was either this or mustard yellow, which was the color of his monstrous car that he floated around in. Why God even needed a car in heaven was not all comprehenible, but a hummer to boot? I mean who buys a Hummer (or in his case, creates it) and decides to paint it the kind of yellow you only encounter when staring at a young child's vomit? Who then goes and spray paints a picture of a wolf howling at the moon next to a unicorn on fire? God does, that’s who.

The fact that Julian had been an interior designer in a previous life had nothing to do with his current desire to put God in his place. He wanted to just walk up and tell God the truth. Isn’t that what was encouraged? Honesty? After all, he had to know what Julian was thinking. Wasn't that his thing? He was everywhere! So what difference did it make? God knew that Julian did not appreciate covering even the most basic household items in leather, so why didn’t he just walk right up and tell God that his idea of heaven stank.

Dying was just the beginning, Julian had to put an end to his decorative nightmare and tell Jehova how he felt...


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