Rain

RAIN

(Or why am I writing so much about rain and not just buying an umbrella)

Just as the Inuit’s have several words for the words for snow, so I think, should the French or English account for all the styles of rain we have in North Western Europe, for there are many types of rain in Parisian skies. And all of them need to be accounted for. In fact, I have no idea why there is not more flooding in these parts (perhaps a scientist could shed some light) because it is raining pretty much without interruption from September to July. I have heard Scandinavians say that there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothes. Well if you live in a part of the world not suitable for human survival, you almost have to adopt this phrase as your battle cry for fear of losing hope or the solidity of your constitution. I believe that there is no such thing as bad weather, only people that would be lost without anything to bitch about. And in the spirit of this, here are all my descriptions of rain:

1. For the last several days we have had a combination of what I would call sprinkle rain (personally my favorite kind of rain if it must rain) wherein it feels like you are in a cold enclosed reptile enclosure where everything has to be kept slightly moist at all times. It's kind of pleasant actually if it is not too cold out.

2. Then there is drip rain. This is undecided rain. As if someone in the clouds has a little watering can and is aiming it at targets down below like a teenager trying to bulls eye an old lady walking with a water balloon. Drip rain can be present in spurts between the main events of downpour. Almost like an intermission. Sometimes the intermission can last for the whole performance however confusing the audience hopelessly. It is the most European of rain as it cannot really be bothered to rain and it also cannot really be bothered to really start.

3. This brings us to good hearty downpour. Strangely, a good hearty downpour where people actually have to flee for cover, light cigarettes and congregate under bridges is more rare in this part of the world. If you are caught without an umbrella or sans a hearty anorak, you need a hand towel to dry yourself after you come inside. You can try and outlast it by hanging out under an awning of a shop front but pretty soon the owner will get annoyed that you are not coming in to buy anything.

4. When gale force winds mix in with rain you have sideways rain. Sideways rain makes the noble effort of carrying an umbrella relatively useless. Sideways rain gets in and hits you at a strategic angle, splashing your face and torso but often leaving your bottom half relatively dry. It is also the destroyer of umbrellas which are often seen abandoned in the trash cans of Paris after such an event.

5. The deluge I suppose is the last type of rain and it is of course the most rare. This is the kind of rain that hits with the force necessary to make the water levels of the Seine rise and people that live in basement apartment start to panic. It is very rare though, where I live. What I fail to understand however is why the summation of rains 1 through 4 occurring pretty much on a constant basis do not eventually equal the rain fall of a good deluge. Again, I seek the advice of meteorologists to tell me how its possible that there could ever possible be a drought in this part of the world.

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