Afraid to See Harmony Korine's New Film Due to Overly High Expectations That This Movie Will Fill In All The Gaps of Fun In My Life That I Never Had

Look at this poster.

It represents, I feel all that maybe missing from my adolescence. My one regret, I feel and I do have just one, about my youth is that perhaps I was not as rebellious and wild as I should have been. I saved that for my early thirties, which was a complete waste of everyone's time. Which is why I have been waiting with bated breath for the release of Harmony Korine's Springbreakers. Cause you see. I never went on Springbreak. I was too busy studying and doing what my parents told me to do. I never got corn rows like James Franco or sprayed wine coolers on girls poolside. This is why I am in need of SPRING BREAKERS to fill in all these gaps.

Can it be possible?

I once had a conversation with a young Harmony Korine on the telephone. As a favor, some friends of my parents who knew this teen down the block who had supposedly sold a script to Disney (that script turned out to be KIDS) wanted me to seek his advice. I asked him over the phone whether I should go to film school or not. He told me in a Harmony kind of way that what I really should do is learn to skate better and hang out near Washington Square Park where I might be discovered by Gus Van Sant. I decided to go to film school. But maybe Harmony was right. Werner Herzog called him the last soldier of cinema and I am not one to question Werner about anything. Maybe I should have just gone on Spring break.

That is why I am so looking forward to seeing Springbreakers. I am hoping that Korine really lets loose in this one and unleashes the full talents of Vanessa Hudgeons and Selena Gomez in their bathing suits.

I also hope that the movie has the following scenes:

- A scene with James Franco doing body shots:jello shots/just some kind of shot, off of one or all of the girls pictured in this poster
- A moment of existential angst where the girls are collected around the soda machine questioning the very meaning of life
- A moment where Florida values are called into question by an officer of the law
- More than one instance where one can really see how practital a bikini can be for all social occasions
- Selena Gomez orders a sex on the beach very slowly from the bartender and we see her lips moving in slow motion as she says it
- They all make love under a Disney themed blanket

I would be satisfied with just one of these magical moments coming to life.

So Harmony, I will be seeing your movie soon. From all that I have heard, it seems like you have finally learned to tap into your weirdness and use it to commercial purpose but please tell me you will still make films about Albinos and scotch taping bits of bacon to the wall.

That is all.